A chain reaction in woman’s life…

Slept pretty late last night, I suppose it was the whole excitement of starting the blog and finally having this freedom of sharing my heart with someone who won’t judge me , question me … You know I have wanted to write for the longest time now but somehow never got to it .. I started researching how to start a blog .. Then got bored and clicked the history of blogging .. Hey they have videos on some blogs !!! … Hmmm .. What’s this video about .. Oh, there is a new Bollywood movie coming.. Look there is gossip about some celebrity .. Yes ! I knew she was a slut (pardon my thought) … Poor guy she dumped !! … ( I would never dump this cute looking guy) .. Now I hate this actress .. Oh! Guess what this guy comes from a history of cheating !! .. What a jerk :@ . Now, I love the actress and hate this guy .. Wonder who all did he date till now .. You know what , I bet they don’t have this in Hollywood ! .. Talking of Hollywood .. What’s this new movie hype all about .. Lets see the trailer .. What’s the latest fashion craze from the movie .. Lets see the makeup tutorial .. More tutorials .. ( thinking : man I gotta post on YouTube , but I am fugly and no one will want to see my video) …

Google: skin care products ..( hey ! They sell it in Macy’s and Nordstrom !! … Guess what , my coupons won’t work on it so its a bit expensive but the reviews say its well worth it …..!!!! ) 

I wake up my husband , ( its past midnight ) .. I tell him I found a great product for great price and it will make me look super pretty) .. He is still confused as to what is going on.. When he finally understands ,  he thinks I am crazy for disturbing him with idea about spending money and that no cosmetics work .. Now he challenges a woman who “wants” to shop and he is not in favor of it .. That’s like telling a hungry lion not to enjoy the deer he just killed !! .. I mean I just spent the last 3 hours of my precious time, during which i could have slept to “RESEARCH” and my husband refuses it !!!  :@ 

Well we share loud “pleasant talks” and how he never let’s me spend and how I always want to spend and how i always spend and he doesn’t want me to .. We exchange some nice words ( certified R) .. And sleep at almost 1 am .. Just as I catch a wink , the baby is up and needs a feed and a diaper change .. All set and done .. It’s 1:45 am .. Time to sleep , more like collapse 🙂 .. 7 am the older one wakes up and wants mommy to brush his teeth and feed him breakfast .. My older son is super excited about a new day and I keep wondering ” WTF !! I am dead cause I was super busy doing positive computer stuff last night”.. I have the worst headache and puffy eyes from lack of sleep .. Husband has a headache from the last night disturbed sleep .. Later during the day I look up webMD , my symptoms tell me lack of sleep .. And I look more.. the lack of sleep, it takes a till on the skin and complexion ( which could have been avoided had I slept on time in the first place) .. And all the time I spent on the computer …. Final result .. No freakin’ clue about blogging  !! .. Just a f’ing headache all day !!! 

Introduction to my mind….

Hello,

This is my first attempt at blogging so kindly ignore the mistakes if any… rookie here 🙂

Well, introductions first.. I am a 31yr old mom. I have a 4 1/2 yr old and a 3 month old , both boys and my world. 

I come from India but have been in USA for almost 6 1/2 years now.life has been good here but it surely does have its ups and downs. i love America, but coming here has surely made me loose a lot as well … things don’t matter … they come and go before you can even decide on what you like and what you want. what matters is what you cannot control..people and ties.

my father was the eldest son on his side of the family, with a total of 6 siblings including him. he came from a very humble background and i know that he worked very hard to be an pilot and a flying instructor in the Indian army. my fondest memories of him have always been of papa home, in his white  night suit ( white kurta and pajamas). as a kid i was super close to him and my passion and respect for books is what i probably inherited from him. 

My younger sister (2yrs younger) has always been a bit more inclined towards mommy. we grew up very close knit, always together as a family. my sister was my biggest friend and my biggest enemy at the same time (i am sure, those who grew with siblings quite well understand ). being an elder i was always a protective personality. my sister has never called me by my name and to this date refers to me as “didi” (meaning big sister).

My mother comes from a house of 5 siblings, her bring the third daughter and then 2 brothers. she was knows to be her father’s favorite. my grandfather was a real great man. he loved all us grand kids and all my memories are of him smiling, laughing and being happy around us grand kids. 

My husband is a great guy, loves me and pampers me.. we do have arguments about everything pretty much .. but we both know that we cant move a step without the other’s opinion   :0 

Since i have been here , i have seen a lot of life that i had not seen for the first 24 1/2 yrs of my life. From being a close knit family , i have come to not meeting my parents since after i came to USA…. to having visited India last year and hiding my visit from my family .. to having lost my father and not being able to talk to him peacefully since 2007 April… and not being able to tell my papa that i love him and that i miss him him.. and that i am sorry for taking what you did for us, as a family for granted .. sorry for not taking the time ti teach you how to navigate through windows XP and for getting angry and being disrespectful when you would take off my glasses when i dozed off watching TV late nights … 

this country has accepted me with open arms, has given me a job , safety and equality.. it has treated me with such love and there is not one thing i can complain about ESP comparing to India.. but this transition and the journey … has it been worth it after all… ?

I miss my parents.. the fact that my mother is all alone and all i can do is talk to her is a constant burden on my heart.. it breaks me down that my father only wished good for me and my sister and my mom and how as a teenager i always questioned his intentions.. how i slammed his suggestions back at him without having the slightest thought that, this man was the one who took me secretly buying books, who was ready to face the world if i had, for any reason, decided to back-off from my wedding, who was the man who answered back his own sister that “my daughters are my pride and they do and will bring pride to my name more than any son ever will”  (in indian boys are considered a pride for the family and girls are considered a burden) …. that man died wondering if his daughter was alright .. dies without meeting his grandkids.. died looking at just pictures of his first grandson  … All this because I travelled to another continent.. So I guess its a price one pays for all that you get ..

i wonder if god will ever forgive me and make a way to fix things …  

…….i wonder …..